The "News"

Normally, I pride myself on being up on current events. But right now, with everything going on with the economy, the election, Nashville's gas crisis, etc.--frankly, I'm quite sick of the news. It gives me a headache. I don't want to watch it and I don't want to read it unless it's something in the sports section about how Tennessee could still possibly beat Auburn this weekend (doubtful). So here are some of my opinions on other "news" stories I've read today that are nice and mindless.

1. Clay Aiken is gay.

NO WAY!!! (insert eye roll) Seriously, is this news? Did we not know this already? Apparently, he and his 50 year-0ld female friend conceived a child using a turkey baster and they're raising the child together. He says he doesn't want to raise a child to lie or hide things. I've got news for you Clay, you didn't hide it very well.

2. PETA wants Ben & Jerry's to start using human breast milk in their ice cream.

Yes. You read that right. Anyone else gag after reading that or was it just me? Anyone who knows me knows my complete and total distaste for all things PETA related. All you have to do is read this article to know they are not only crazy, but quite evil as well. But seriously? Breast milk? GROSS!!! I don't know why I'm surprised by this though. These are the same people who got upset over the tradition of the winner of the Indy 500 drinking milk in the winner's circle. Ben & Jerry's response was, "We applaud PETA's novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother's milk is best used for her child." I'm well aware of Ben & Jerry's somewhat liberal political stance so I'm not surprised by their overly nice way of saying, "GET REAL YOU FREAKAZOIDS!!!" because liberal or not, you know that's what they're thinking. Just as an aside, their Cake Batter flavor is ruh-dic-a-lus. YUM.

3. A DUI arrestee in West Virginia farted on a cop and got charged with battery.

Okay, when I first read this I almost peed my pants. I laughed so hard for so long I couldn't breathe--probably has something to do with my 12 year-old sense of humor. Anyway, apparently while being fingerprinted, Jose Cruz, 34, "lifted his leg and passed gas loudly," onto the booking officer. The report goes on to state, "the defendant then fanned the air with his hand in front of his rear onto" the cop, and "the gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature." BAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! I'm sorry but that's just hilarious, A. because he farted in the first place, B. because of the way it was written in the report, and C. because they charged him with battery on a police officer!! I was unaware farting near someone was illegal. My dad should be in jail serving a life sentence right now!


So there's some mindless news for the today. I think I'll watch Friends at 6:00 and 6:30 tonight just to stay away from the real news a little longer. (As if I don't do that already.)